The Greatest Story Of All Time; Ever.

Returning to his homeland, the Huff Kingdom, in the Wayward City of which he was born, Huff Ass Dan was gravely tired from a long day's work. He huffed in his great fatigue, ready to retire from the day's triumphs.

"... It's a good thing... I exist." He muttered to himself, proud of all that he was, and his entire kingdom from which he hailed. "Now, I get to return to my darling Huff Ass Wife..." He fiddled with the keys to his palace, which was within the same bounds as the King's, being the most trusted and loyal of all the Huffians.

He would open the door and call out sweetly to his love, "Huff Ass Wife! I've returned!" He would look around his palace, which was not nearly as extravagant as one may have believed on the inside; in fact, it looked like a normal cottage. He was a humble man.

"Huff Ass Wife?" he called out again, receiving no response. "Huff Ass Wife? Where for art thou!?" At the third call of his beloved, a note would slide through the mail slot, which apparently, his cottage-palace just had, for whatever reason. "What's huh?!" He took the note in his hands, sealed with a heart sticker and addressed to 'Huff Ass Dan' in fine, cursive print on the pink envelope.

When he opened it, he would find on it a pink slip of notice, which read, in cursive with a scorching, red print...

As the note went on to describe 'The Fire Nation Attacking,' what sprouted from the bold, red print seemingly seared into the paper would be the burning energy of the Fire Nation. Pure blatant antagonism arose from the simple piece of paper, and a fiery silhouette would stand before Huff Ass Dan.

"HAHAHAHAA!! I have captured your Huff Ass Wife and have imprisoned her in the Huff Kingdom!!! You will never see your Huff Ass Wife again if you don't surrender the Huff Kingdom to me and take me to your Huff Ass King!!!"

"Villainy!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Huff Ass Dan cried out, backing away dramatically as the fiery apparition haunted him with its words, "I shan't allow you to hurt a single tuft of hair upon the back of my Huff Ass Wife!!" And he raised his Trusty Sword from out of its sheath and pointed it at the foul foe before him. "I SAY NAY!!!!!!!!!" And he swung his sword valiantly with all his might and charisma, swiping at the flames of evil to wipe them out with his blade of justice.

With every swing of the sword, Huff Ass Dan's heart poured into the slash of the blade, that would cut down the treacherous and destroy the wicked! To this adversary that stand before him, Huff Ass Dan would cut away the villainy that was within this ne'erdowell and have him submit before the blade of righteousness. "Leave this Huff Kingdom," he cried out again, sweat splashing to and fro just as the blade that worked it, "I will never submit to the forces of evil! You will never see the Huff Ass King, foul villain!"

"OH WON'T I!?!?!" The burning silhouette shouted arrogantly, laughing as the man swung his sword in vain. "Then I'll HUFF and I'll PUFF and I'll BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN." The sword merely swiped through the intangible flames, which would merely reform after every swing. "Say goodbye to the Huff Kingdom and your Huff Ass King!!!" After speaking those words, the fiery silhouette spontaneously combusted and would blow up the whole entire house, reducing everything, including Huff Ass Dan, to ashes.

Immediately, from Huff Ass Dan's house, the flames would spread about the Wayward City, as if searching for the intended target; the Huff Ass King. Anything that was in the way of the fires would suffer the same fate as Dan and his house. Complete destruction.

Huff Ass Dan was both shocked and distraught to find that the strikes of his most trusty steed, the Huff Ass Sword, were not good enough to cut down this sort of foe. "He's... Too strong! KUWAAAAH!!!" In a moment's notice, Huff Ass Dan was consumed by the flames of the Fire Nation, and he died.
1
When he woke up, Dan was on the ground, wondering if all he'd just experienced was just a dream. "Am I... Alive?" Even though he died, with his Legendary Arts Of Huffness, Huff Ass Dan could 'Step Forth' at any time to and from death, itself, which saved him from dying all the way forever. "Just a... Flesh wound..." he muttered, picking himself back up like nothing happened. Yet, his house was completely destroyed and burnt to ashes, and the city was on fire; burning from the flames that started in his house. "Oh noooooo!!!" he cried out. "This is my doing! It is because that Treacherous Uncle came into my house and lit it on fire! Now the Huff Kingdom is burning down, too!" Huff Ass Dan would lower his head, the shadow of his hair covering his eyes. "... Not today..." he grumbled, sword-bearing hand trembling with righteous fury "I SAY NAY!!!!!!!!!!!!" With all the courage to save his homeland from being burnt to ashes by the Fire Nation, Huff Ass Dan would sprint to where he'd find the first fire and begin trying to put it out in whatever way was possible at the time.

"Yeah, since you're the type to pull some old bullshit to get out of something every single time things don't go your way, I'm gonna destroy everything around you and let you live in the waste, since apparently you won't ALLOW yourself to ACKNOWLEDGE being ACTUALLY defeated, just like ALL of your kind."

None of his foolishness mattered to the burning one. In fact, because it was nonsensical, it was also negligible and had no value or meaning, no matter what this 'Dan' did.

"You're a fool, a coward and weak. You won't do things correctly, so what is correct will do things around you whilst you sit around trying to play hero and fail and die. Then come back by some huff ass means, then die again, but pretend you didn't, like everyone at the bottom who wants to be at the top."

These words emanated from the heart of the first roaring fire, which was over the house of one of the Huff Ass Citizens that resided nearby, who was damaged by the residual consequences of Huff Ass Dan's tomfoolery. Since he didn't quite understand how serious it was to take things seriously and be a fair being completely thoroughly, he, as a glitch in the matrix, would see what happens when glitches continue to be bugs in the system.


Thinking only of himself, even with his thoughts about others, Huff Ass Dan would be faced with the guilt of others nearby suffering because of him. If he had only done things properly, the flames of destruction would not have touched down so relentlessly. Women and children would lose their food and shelter because of him, and he would have to watch as the city came crumbling down one Huff Ass Citizen at a time.

Huff Ass Dan gathered himself to pieces swaring onward thus forth that he would avenge the Fire Nation.  And He…

Huff Ass Dan: "Spake On!” Did He.

“I am not munificent of this pontiferous communication!” he murmured on, yet also speaketh aloudly, “AND SO IT GOES THAT I — HUFF ASS DAN — HIS ROYAL HUFFNESS Shalt SLAIN THEE, O GREAT TREACHEROUS UNCLE GRANDFATHER DRAGON POP.”

And he swore up and down on that day, did he did he, that Huff Ass Dan — His Royal Huffness — would INDEED bequeath the challenge of upping the mountainous trial that wast the REVENGEANCE on the entirety Huff Ass Kingdom Affl.

“AND SO ON AND SO FORTH!!!” Screameth His Royal Huffness.

“CONSECRATION!”

With Trusty Sword in hand, Daniel striketh the ground in fast rebuke, slaying the figment of evil that wouldst so threaten the very sanctity of this treaty.

“And…” he go on, “… By My Mother’s Mandible…” he becometh, “Then Sware By He!!” O, he cried, “ THAT ON. THE FATHER.” Daniel prayed his solemn oath on the Good Lord Father God Almighty Jesus, O Lord, “THAT I WILL HAVE THIS VIRTUE, MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!”

And he put it down.