Deep Thought...

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"I Feel Very Unusual. It's An Unsettled And Restless Feeling, But Nothing Of Any Concern Or Threat At All. Quite Possibly Just Some Negative Thoughts Of Others Of Me Or Misfortunes Occurring To Them I Am Unaware Of. Whatever The Case, It Has Made Me Recognize Many Things. One Of Which Is What I Want To Have Many, Many, Many Relationships Suddenly, But I Also Do Not Want To Socialize With Many People. I Have Also Undergone Another Standard Self-Recognition That Has Allowed Me To Realize That There Is A Moment And A Reason Why Celebrities No Longer Associate With Commonfolk, And It Becomes Clearer And Clearer To Me, Though As I Look On And Proceed Undaunted, I Am Still Gravely Saddened By All Of The Other People Outside Of Myself And Their Actions Or Reactions. For This Reason, I Remember Why I Was So Adamant About Remaining Distant And Kept From Them, But More So Why That Intensified As An Adult Once I Realized The Things I Thought As A Child Were Still True, And I Would Continue To Act Accordingly. Nevertheless, I Know That Even If I Am Easily Nowhere Near Any Kind Of Type To Be Amongst The Commonplace, I Understand There Is A Society Of Celebrities -- Those Who Were Unable To Be With The Masses And Now Live Together In Their Own Society Above The Masses -- That Are Waiting For Me. Whilst Most Would See This As A Symbol Of Status, I See It... As A Sign Of Warning. Those People Are Still Humans, And Even If They Excel At Whatever They Do, There Is A Deeper Reason Why Extraordinary People Do Not Mix Well With The Ordinary Beyond Just Their Exceptionalism... Trust That I Know This Personally. In That, I Will Need To Quickly Prepare For It... Especially Since For Years, Celebrities Have... Had Their Eyes On Me. I Need To Plan Thoroughly... Because An Ambush Is Surely Waiting For The 'Fresh Meat' Up-And-Coming Stars That I Will Actively Avoid. A Celebrity Is Still A Human, After All, And Things Get Way More Intense In That Realm... Trust."

"... Enough Of These Sickening Sentiments Of Mine. I Am Awake Relatively Late At Night With No Interest In Doing Anything And Am Quickly Growing Bored. I Always Hate Getting This Way. Randomly Being Completely Unfeeling For The Things I Like To Do And Then Not Doing Them Because I Do Not Feel, Then Becoming Incredibly Bored From Being Idle For So Long Because I Don't Feel Like Doing Anything Else. Though My Boredom Spurs Some Of The Best And Most Fun Things Which Come From Me, It Doesn't Mean I EVER Enjoy The Process Or Feeling Of Being Bored."

"... I Guess I'd Better Just Ride The Wave Until I Get Sleepy. Might Be Something Stuck Inside, Or Something Dumb Like That, Which Just Hasn't Revealed Itself To Me Because I'm Not Desperately Bored Yet. But Trust That I'm Actually More Dangerous When I'm Bored, Because Then I Come Up With Ways To Entertain Myself, And I Need A Lot To Keep Me Entertained Completely. Most Things Don't Require Me To Use My Mind Or Have Too Many Intense Feelings, And I Like Using My Mind And Having Intense Feelings. But Those Things Are Too Much For Regular People, Especially To Be Doing At A More Relatively Constant Rate As Opposed To Only Sometimes, Or Seldom. But Now That I Think About It, I Think I Actually Started Doing A Great Many Of The Things I Have Done And Built Up Because I Was Bored To Death Of Everything -- Literally Every Single Fucking Thing -- The Earth Could Provide For Me. Then I Liked What I Made And Gave Myself WAY More Than ANYTHING And ANYONE On Earth, So That's What I Stuck With. Just Goes To Show That If I Was Actually Satisfied With Life, The Quality Of Life, And The Earth, As Well As Humanity Back Then, I Probably Wouldn't Have Developed All Of This Now. So, It's Because Everyone Sucks, And People Made People Suck On Purpose That I'm Here. Seems Like The Evil Plot Of The Powers That Be Failed Spectacularly. Hahahahahahahahahaha."

"I Think It Makes Me Sad That Humans Are The Way That They Are, And I'd Like To Have Better Relationships With Other Humans, But I Cannot Keep Lowering Myself To Meet Their Standards Any Longer. Plus, I Am Also Happy I Don't Have To Deal With That Or Them Every Day. I Mean, If Humans Would Just Evolve A Little Bit More, A Little Bit Faster... But The Thing About A Mass Of Humans Is That They Will Usually Only Do Something Like That Collectively If They First See Another Group Of Humans Doing It And Benefiting. But A Human Won't Just Do It On Their Own From Within Themselves. So I Have To Occupy Myself For The Entirety Of The Time It Takes For Humans To Develop Even Just A Smidgen In Their Entire Lifespans, And Generations Onward. It's Like Watching Talking, Walking, Dumb-As-Fuck Grass Grow Whilst Paint Is Drying."

"How Vexatious That A Human Would Even Think To Be So Vain. Even More So That I Am In A State Of Personal Limbo That I Both Put Myself In And Don't Feel Like Getting Out Of. I'm So Annoying Sometimes. But I Deal With My Technical Intrinsic Natures Because There Is Great Benefit And Payoff... But I Sure Make Me Work For It."

"... And I'm Sure The Only Reason I Would Arbitrarily Put Myself In Limbo When There Is No Threat Would Be So That I Would Force Myself To Stop Any And Everything I Am Doing Or Want To Do So I Can Focus On What I'm Not, Am Not Looking At, Or Need To See. I'm Just Such A Frustrating Person To Deal With All Of The Time In Random Ways. I Love Myself With All That I Am, But At The Same Time, There Are Certain Things That Will Always Simply Agitate Me, Even If I Know It Is In My Best Interest. I Mean, A Feeling Like Agitation Goes Away, But Whatever Is So Important To Myself That Myself Would Actively Block Me From Progressing When I'm On A Roll Means That It's Something Really Important. But It's Like 'Guy, Just Tell Me, We're The Same Fucking Person'. But I Know Me Well Enough To Know When To Tell Myself Something And When To Let Myself Figure It Out, Especially If The Information Might Be Sensitive, And If I Tell Myself, It Will Be Stuck In My Brain, And That Information Might Just Escape Me On A Whim. Obviously, I Know What I'm Doing, But Like... It's Really Annoying. But I Appreciate Myself Being That Way And Doing That For Me Even When I Don't Want To. Cuz I Sure As Hell Wouldn't Do It By Myself. Oh, Wait, Actually... Yes, I Would. That's Why I Did, Albeit Not Consciously. Like, Obviously, My Subconscious, Still Being Part Of My OWN Conscious, Would Act As I Do Internally To Myself, Because It's Still Me, Conscious Or Not. That's Why I Know So Deeply What Certain Things Mean When-- Whup, I Don't Care Anymore, Doing Something Else; Bored Now."

"... I Won't Let Me Sleep Because I Didn't Resolve Whatever It Was, And It's Not A Something That I Can Put Off, Obviously, Or Else I Would've Let Myself Sleep... No, Instead, It's Going To Keep Me Up And Make My Brain Overactive So It Won't Sleep Until I Finish The Mental Processes To Completion. And I'm Pretty Sure It's My Heart; She's Bored. Because My Mind Isn't Bored At All... I Have A Plethora Of Things To Think About, Always... And More Every Day. But Just Because One Part Of Me Is Satisfied, Doesn't Mean-- Wait. I Think That's It... I'm Out Of Sync Due To General Dissatisfaction. But The Dissatisfaction Is Not With My Life, Nor With What I Have, Or With What Is To Come... It's Something More Directly Immediate; Something Exclusively In The Moment, But Lingering If Not Resolved."

"... I Think I've Pinpointed It. I Am Dissatisfied With The Way Intimacy Is This Day, And I Wish For Intimacy Again, But Not From Yet Another Commonplace E-Slut... Or Some Dumb, Basic, Dumb, Really Basic, Really Dumb Bitch. So Very Many People Are So Widely Unattractive To Me For A Variety Of Reasons, From Actual Personality Or Mentality To Physicality Or General Attractiveness And Preferences Of Such. I Can Normally Find Attractive Qualities In Someone I Am Attracted To, Even If Not In Every Way... But As Of Recently, Everyone Has This Like-Minded Mentality To Just Be... E-Sluts. And They Have Like, No Other Thoughts In Their Mind At All To Do Anything Else Remotely Different. And It Just Stimulates All Of The Most Unattractive Qualities In A Person. Like, Sure, You Might Be Mildly Attractive Or Even Smoking Hot, But If You Think And Act Exactly The Same As The Other Person Or Worse, Then What Are You Good For EXCEPT Being A Hot Body? And Trust Me, A Really Hot Person With No Fucking Mind Of Their Own Except To Have Sex And Be Sexy Is Really Really Really Boring For Anyone Who Does Not Think Like That At All Times. And I'm Just Tired Of All These Fucking Humans Being SO Fucking Boring And SO Fucking Afraid To Be Open And Real Because They Keep Deciding To Go Associate With Humans They Think Relate To Them-- Which, Then Again, Is Also Flawed Because If You're LOOKING For Someone SIMILAR To You And You Find Someone With The FLAWS You Have And You LIKE Them Because You Have The SAME FLAWS, Then It's Like... You Want To Be Around That For The Sake Of You Feeling Comfortable In Your Flaws To Have The Flaws And Feel No Regard Nor Obligation To Correct Them... Then Get Upset And Hurt And Sensitive And Reclusive When Someone With The SAME FLAWS AS YOU That You CHOSE To Be Around OVER Anyone Without Them For COMFORT Purposes... Has The Flaws And They Are Negative Towards You. It's Like Humans Have No Level Of Self-Recognition Beyond Vanity, And It's Pathetic."

"... I Admit That I Feel Better Having Worked That Out, And Now I Am Pleased That I Withheld That From Myself So I Could Visually See The Process, But... That Doesn't Change The Fact Of The Matter Nor The State Of Being. I Cannot Go In Depth Or Get Deep With Someone Who Has No Substance, Is Shallow, Or Has No Interest In Exploring The Depths Of Being, Likely Out Of Fear Or Discomfort. I Realize More Clearly That My Distress Is Not Coming From Me, But How I Perceive Others And Their Lives All Around Me... All Of The Things That They Suffer Through Regularly That I Don't Anymore. I See Them Struggle... And Defend Those Terrible Things... And Associate With Horrible People... Follow Hideous Things; Emulate Them... And I Really Am Seeing Now That It's The Overexposure I Have To OTHER Peoples' Problems, Experiencing Them Making Mistakes, Hurting Themselves And Others, And Any Number Of Other Regular, Commonplace Things That Humans Do And Live With Every Single Day On Purpose And Don't Care About Even Attempting To Resolve At Least In Themselves, Since Likely It Wouldn't Happen In Others. Yes... That Is Surely The Source Of My Feelings. I May Be Feeling Like I Want To Be Near Them, But... If I Have To Actually LOOK At A Human BE A Human In Certain Ways For Too Long... I Overthink About ALL I Am Exposed To. I Think About It FAR More Deeply Than A Regular Person. Randomly Find New, Horrible Ways That What Someone Does Casually Every Day Can Lead To Something So Much Worse That They Cannot Even Fathom Because They Don't Have The Capacity To Assess For Themselves. And All Those Things Piled Up In Even Just ONE Human That I Have To Look At... No. I Do Not Need That Negativity In My Life."

"... I Suppose... No Matter How Many Angles I Look At It From... I Have No Choice But To Slow Down. And That's Fine, I Have No Issue With That... Honestly, The Experience Of Experiencing An Experience To Get The Experience Of The Experience Is A Great Experience, But... Experiencing Too Much Can Overstimulate. So Despite How I Want To Have More Meaningful Relationships With Others Who No Longer Have The Capacity For Any Type Of Meaning Or Relationship, Their Flaws And Adamancy To Living In Those Flaws And Continuing To Do Them Unaware Or Unconcerned Of Consequence Is Very Detrimental To Me. I Cannot LOOK At Them For Too Long. I Cannot RECEIVE Too Much Information From Them At All. What Is A Problem-Solver To One Who Wants To Solve Their Own Problems, Doesn't, And Also Doesn't Want To Solve Their Own Problems Or Any Help Solving Them? Just Another Observer Of The Problem, And Not Anyone -- Including The Bearer -- Doing Anything To Fix It."

"... Well, Seems I've Exited The Roundabout Of Mine Former Limbo. That Means I Figured Out What The Main Issues Are, And Resolved Whatever Internal Matters Were Holed Within Unbeknownst. Yet My Conclusion Is More Or Less The Same; Limiting Contact With Humans For Prolonged Periods Of Time."

"... I Have Seen. Yes, It All Has Unraveled In An Instant Now Before Mine Eyes -- I See The Sweet Spot; The Money Shot. Yes, I Need To Take It And Not Stop, Because It Is All So Clear Before Mine Eyes Now That I Have Beholden It Within Them. Yes, It Was Always So Simple..."

"... This Is Why They Should Not Have Tested Me, Because Now, I'm Going To Do Something Beyond It, Most Likely... If Mine Vision Is Aligned Properly."